Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
