Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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