ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
