they need to just BURY HIM!
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
