You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just pynch a tree in the face
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
