this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize