Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
