Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
