I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
