covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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