I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
