Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
