I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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