He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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