His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Will exercising make me less horny?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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