Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
