You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
