dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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