your parents love me but you hate me
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
