you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
