just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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