I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
