remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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