My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
