Someone shit on the floor
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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