Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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