Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Randomize
