Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize