come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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