My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
