I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
