That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
