She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
