I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
