He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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