"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
