Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
