I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
