my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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