where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
