i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
