At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
They have beer where we have blood.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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