I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
