Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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