So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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