If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
