i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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