dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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