he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
