so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
