idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
