I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
