barbara walters just said penis...
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
