you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize