On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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