At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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