i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
