we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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