I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
