i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize