I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
