woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
