In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
