My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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