you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
