This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
