I cannot find my penis.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
