I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
