This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It's blow job season.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
