I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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