That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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