I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
