she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
